i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Randomize
