dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
Randomize
