Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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