Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Randomize
