Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
