There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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