i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
Randomize
