feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Randomize
