so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Randomize
