I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
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