Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
Randomize
