I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize
