god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Randomize
