I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Randomize
