...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
oh god was she eating orange peels again
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
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