the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
