My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
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