I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
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