About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
Randomize
