he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
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