Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
So apparently I’m into choking now
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
