note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
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