Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
