i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Randomize
