butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
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