I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
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