Welp...herpes.
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
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