its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
You dont lie about slip and slides
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
