YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
420 ftw
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
I could make wine with my vomit
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
Randomize
