I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
Randomize
