literally had 100 drinks last night.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night