I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.