Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
23 Theme Park Employees Confess The Biggest Adult Tantrums They’ve Witnessed
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?