but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
Randomize
