Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Randomize
