So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
Randomize
