We are two peas in an std pod
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
Randomize
