i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
Randomize
