ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
i think i scared a bird with my dick
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
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