When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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