3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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