i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
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