I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
me + whiskey = a bad person
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
Randomize
