Kiss
Puke
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
Randomize
