The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
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