As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
Randomize
