Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
Randomize
