Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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