It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
Randomize
