is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Randomize
