Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Randomize
