im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
there is another microwave in the elevator.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
