The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
Randomize
