Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
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