don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
Randomize
