the new term for farting is butt boxing.
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
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