oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
Randomize
