"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
