then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
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