YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
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It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
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Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?