I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history