he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
