I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
These 25 Women First Experienced Sexual Harassment At A Shocking Age
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
23 Absolutely Despicable Things That People Have Actually Done
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.