i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
These 25 People Are Obsessed With Pizza
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
16 Sexual Experiences EVERYONE Should Have At Least Once
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween