Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
This Girl Got Ghosted By Her BF Of 5 Years While On A Trip They Took For Her Birthday
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
People Are Applauding Chrissy Teigen For Getting Candid About Breast-Pumping
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
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