Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.