are you still at the devil's house?
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
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Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
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We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
So vagazzling was a success
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.