We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
Randomize
