I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
Randomize
