More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
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