i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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