this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
