I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Randomize
