Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Randomize
