Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
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