just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
