Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
When did angry sex become our thing?
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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