You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
Randomize
