so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Randomize
